Cutting Down Approval Seeking

Maybe your entire life has been spent with winning the approval of others or you have been constantly worried of how the people will see you.   At times, when approval has become a need in your life then you have to counter check for it because this kind of activity is a form of halt to yourself.   To tell you, approval really bring us joy.  It is good when you are applauded of the performance of acting you do on stage.   Praised by people because who have been consistently a dean’s lister and even given compliments of the kindness you possess especially to the poor.  Some would say it’s another form of adulation.   Pleasurable may seem but we need to realize that that if we thought of it as a need then it can also be classified as one of our erroneous zones in life.  You are bound to frustration if you carry this need such as approval.  The following steps may help you in cutting down on your approval seeking habit.    

            Accept yourself.   It is important not to rely your happiness to other people.  You may be far different in terms of providing opinion or you have a certain character that is for them unacceptable, always think that whatever they thought about you will not bring any effect unless you let it get into your nerve.   Break the restraint of what has other think,  say and do with your self-worth.  Have a strong feeling in yourself that not all people will approve of what you have to say.   If your idea has been repudiated then let it be.  After all, you cannot insist to other people what you have in mind if they are not open for it. 

            Live with what you value.  As long as you don’t hurt, destroy and kill other people,  you can have the freedom of what you want to project on this earth.   Live with what you value but always remember to maintain harmonious relationship with other people.   Don’t do or say things because the society dictated to act or state this way.   We can trace family approval way back when we are young.   We have been embedded with the seed of self-doubt every time we rely our decision to parents even as we become adult.  We keep on asking them as to what we should wear, and whose friends are we should be going with.  Evidently, we tend to become more dependent to parents instead of thinking and relying our choice to ourselves.  Bear in your mind that people who value their worth and have self-respect eliminating the approval seeking from others generally gets respect and approval from other people. 

taken from google image. 

            Refuse to Convince.   There is an adage that says agree to disagree.  Sometimes in as much as we want to influence other people based from our beliefs and understanding, they are also resistance to accept with our stance.    Refuse to convince them just continue and be happy of what you believe.   Armed with the idea that you get a disapproval from other people of what you say is getting away in the doom of desolation.  You can never do away with disapproval for all you know, even if you have high believe on what you have to say because other people do have their own counter exactly opposite with the thoughts you have in mind.   

            Stop verifying your facts.  Do not keep on substantiating from anyone whatever you feel like doing or saying.   If you want to try new things such as wearing floral shirt even if it is not summer or singing inside in a videoke room full of invited guests by your friend then feel free to do it without  asking anyone with whose opinion you value more instead of yourself.  When you  make a choice,  make sure that you feel free of doing it and that it spring happiness without validating it to someone else’s opinion.   Don’t let the predilection of other people dominates in you,  it will only mar your inner peace in the end.      

            Get rid of the approval seeking behaviour. If a friend of yours said that you look timorous and that you will never have the chance to improve your status, just show your smile and say your thank you.   In this regard, what you do is pointing it out that what he said can mean self-growth but it doesn’t affect your sanity.   Ignore negative statement directed to you instead build a repertoire of behaviour that protect being upset from manipulation of reproof from other people.    

            Have the passion for self-improvement.   Instead of dwelling with the negative remarks from other people or trying to convince them with your worth and your stance.  Free yourself to develop more and embrace the idea than you can be better by giving your full-potential in everything that you do.   Instead of weaning by peoples’ remarks,  always validate yourself with what you think is okay and can really make you happy and improved.  

            To sum it up, seeking approval cannot be eliminated in one single instance. It is actually a gradual process.  It requires practice, but worth every bit of exertion you place into it.       However, with the steps you have read will help you not to really demand applause from everyone and always have the resistance whenever people will not pay you with their compliments.  By doing these,  you will have a passes for a life that is free from despair in seeking approval but having personal fulfillment.  

Reference:  Dyer,  Wayne (n.d) Your erroneous zones.  Broadway New York.  Avon Books, Dept.